My Diary

PRIVAT, DO NOT READ, espesially Bibi

February 28

Started a war today. Told everyone it will be over by Tuesday. Everyone clapped.

March 3

Still Tuesday.

March 11

Iran keeps firing things. I said stop firing things. They didn’t stop. Going to fire more things.

JD says the militairy objectives have been completed. I asked which ones. JD changed the subject.

March 18

Bibi hit a place called Natanz. I didn't know about it beforehand but I definitely did know about it beforehand.

Bibi like to surprise me. Bibi is my best friend. I tell him evreything. He tells me some things.

April 3

A man shot our plane down with a tube he was carrying on his sholdar. Our plane costs a lot. His tube costs much less than that. I ask Pete how much less. Pete says a lot less. I say how many tubes does Iran have. Pete says a lot.

Pete said last week Iran cannot shoot planes anymore and we are unstoppable. I ask Pete about this. Pete is in a meeting.

Also a plane went down. I did not mention this. I am not mentioning this now either.

Two people were in the plane. The pilot is ok. The other one, a colonel, hides in some rocks in the mountains for more than a day. Iran says come find this colonel and we will give you 0,000. Iranians start looking for the colonel. I say nobody touch my colonel.

The strait is also closed. I want it open. I told Iran to open it. They say no. I told them again. They say no again. I told them a third time in capital leters.

Iran is being very rude and also unfair.

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April 5

We go to get the colonel. I send much airplanes. Also lots of soldiers. Also we drop lot of bombs to make holes in the roads so Iran cannot drive to the colonel.

Colonel is still hiding in rocks.

The rocks are near Isfahan. Iran keeps nuclear things there. Colonel better not be nucleared. We go get our colonel. The colonel gets on the radio and says God is good. I post WE GOT HIM on Truth Social. Very exciting.

We are much better at hide-and-seek than bad Iran. We won!

We lost some planes and some helicopters. We have total oblitaretad Iran and not a single American was killed.

April 7

Gave Iran a deadline. Tuesday at 8 PM. Power Plant Day. I came up with that! I think it is very good. Hegseth says tomorows strikes will be the biggestest yet and the day after will be even bigger. Very exciting. I love a countdown.

Tucker called the war evil. Tucker used to be my frend. Now he is not my freind. I said so on Truth Social. Candice also said things. I said things back. Candace said Tucker is more powerful than me. I am the President of the United States.

April 8

Pakistan wrote a note and then signed it. Ceasefire! I won! Evreybody wins when I win!

Nobody told Bibi. Bibi does not like this kind of surprise. Bibi called me and yelled at me for a long time. I am crying a little bit but only on the inside. Bibi is my best frend and best frends are not supposed to yell. I say Bibi I had to do the ceasefire. Bibi says Lebanon is not in the ceasefire. I say ok.

I called ceasefire. Bibi did not hear me. You have to say it loud enough. Everyone knows this.

Then Bibi bombs Lebanon for 10 minuts.

The ceasefire is still a ceasefire. Just a different type of ceasefire where the bombing continyous.

Also, Israel bombed a synagouge in Tehran. I didn’t ask about this. Sometimes it is better not to ask.

April 9

Everyone says there is no more ceasefire. This is VERY UNFAIR. The ceasefire was a great sucess. We are now having a second ceasefire which will also be a great sucess.

Someone made a lot of dollars yesterday by betting on the ceasefire before I announced the ceasefire. I don’t know who that was and also I am not allowed to say.

April 10

Iran says ships have to pay now and you have to pay in Bitcoins. I said that is not what we agreed. Iran said what did we agree exaktly. I asked JD. JD called Pete. Pete is in a meeting.

I posted on Truth Social that maybe a joint US-Iran Hormuz venture could be beautiful. I deleted it. It is still in the screenshot. I hate screenshots.

I change the rules sometimes. I am allowed to change the rules. I made up the game.

April 11

Iran is coming to talks in Pakistan! They say they are not coming but they are coming. Their plane lands. Iranian TV says no plane landed. The plane is on the runway.

I don’t understand.

April 12

We talk for 21 hours. Iran is in one room. We are in a different room. We are not allowed to be in the same room. Pakistan walks between the rooms with cheat notes.

We didn’t agree on anything. JD says it is Iran’s fault. Iran says it is our fault. Pakistan says it is very tired and would like to go home. We are in Pakistan? I am confused.

Also Iran’s general called their own negoshiator a traytor for talking to us. While they were still talking to us.

I’m going to do a blockade.

April 13

BLOCKADE DAY.

Iran has a blockade. I don’t like this. I want a blockade EXCEPT BIGGER.

You can’t blockade me. I blockade you.

Iran says we are pirates. I say THEY are pirates. We both agree there are pirates. Very productiv.

My people try to explain whose water it is. The strait is Iran’s water. I say ok. Also Oman’s water. I say ok. I say so who do we blockade. They say Iran. I say good. I stop asking.

Pakistan was at the talks. Pakistan has a ship. If Pakistan’s ship goes to get Pakistan’s oil from Iran, do we shoot at Pakistan. I ask JD. JD says we are working on it. I say yes or no. JD says we are working on it.

Someone tells me Iran charges a lot per ship. I ask Pete how much. Pete shows me a calculator. I don’t understand. I say ok.

I find out there are three blockades now. Iran’s one with mines and Bitcoins. Our one with ships. And one from the boat insurance men that started six weeks ago. Nobody told me about the third one.

I also find out Iran put mines in the strait and now cannot find the mines. My momma always says to remember where I put my things. We also cannot find the mines. I still want it open.

An Irishman attacked one of our planes with an axe. He looked angry.

Viktor lost his election. I write him a very nice message. He does not write back.

Later on April 13

Sent two ships to clear the mines. They go through Oman’s water in the middle of the nite. Not through the part with the mines. The mines are still there.

Very sucsessful mine-clearing mission.

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Some time next week probably

People say Americans are the most sad they have been since 1952. I think this is beacuse they do not know yet about all the winning.